One of the things I am often asked about with regard to corporate worship at Lake Murray is our decision to have children in first grade and up worship with their parents or guardians. We have information up on our web site about this, but I find that members rarely visit our site, but often visit the church blog. I also find that as our members travel over the summer months to see friends and family, they sometimes worship at different places and see things being done in a different way.
Churches have different philosophies, and, therefore, different solutions, for children and worship. Without diving into the differing philosophies, let me summarize what one might find at different churches with regard to children's worship, then briefly explain what our current vision and strategy is at Lake Murray. I trust this will strengthen the grasp our members have of our current vision for worship at Lake Murray, and where we wish to go in the future.
- Some churches remove children from the worship service altogether. The logic goes something like this: "We don't want to give G-rated sermons to the adults who come, and we don't want to bore children either. Why not split the two so everyone can be appropriately addressed?"
- Some churches include children in the singing and praying portions of the service, but remove them from the preaching time for an alternative experience (a corporate teaching for children, a classroom experience, etc.).
- Some churches include children in the entire service, but that service frequently involves an intentional "children's sermon" from the senior pastor, children's minister, or other volunteer.
- Some churches include children in the service and change very little in the service, though they recognize "little ears" are present. Perhaps there are children's bulletins or other helpful tools, but predominantly the expectation is that parents of lead their children in worship.
With 6 and 5 year-old sons in worship, my wife and I know full well it can be especially hard for parents to pay attention in worship when they must also pay attention to their children. Children can be distracting, aggravating, and sometimes even embarrassing in worship, making both parents and children less attentive to God in worship. Therefore, we also understands the real temptations to either stay home or keep children out ofworship, often through an alternative worship service specifically for children at another church.
Yet it is our biblical conviction that it is best for parents and children to worship together. Let me explain why, then give parents some practical advice on how to make corporate worship at Lake Murray a meaningful experience each week. Finally, I will give a list of things you can pray about helping us implement over the coming months so that those who lead the service can demonstrate their concern for children and parents in worship.
Why Children and Parents Should Worship Together
- The greatest stumbling block for children in worship is that their parents do not cherish the hour. Children can feel the difference between duty and delight. Therefore, the first and most important job of a parent is to fall in love with the worship of God. You can't impart what you don't possess.
- Worshiping together counters the contemporary fragmentation of families. Hectic American life leaves little time for significant togetherness. It is hard to overestimate the good influence of families doing valuable things together week in and week out, year in and year out. Worship is the most valuable thing a human can do. The cumulative effect of 550 worship services spent with Mom and Dad between the ages of 6 and 17 is incalculable.
- Parents have the responsibility to teach their children by their own example the meaning and value of worship. Therefore, parents should want their children with them in worship so the children can catch the spirit and form of their parents' worship. Children should see how Mom and Dad bow their heads in earnest prayer during the prelude and other non‐directed times. They should see how Mom and Dad sing praise to God with joy in their faces, and how they listen hungrily to His Word.
- To sit still and be relatively quiet for 60-75 minutes on Sunday is not an excessive expectation for a healthy 6 year-old who has been taught to obey his parents. The desire to have children in the worship service is part of a broader concern that children be reared so that they are "submissive and respectful in every way" (1 Timothy 3:4).
- Not everything goes “over the head” of our children. Children absorb a tremendous amount that is of value. And this is true even if they say they are bored. Music and words become familiar. The message of the music starts to sink in. The form of the service comes to feel natural. Even if most of the sermon goes over their heads, experience shows that children hear and remember remarkable things. The content of the prayers and songs and sermon gives parents unparalleled opportunities to teach their children the great truths of our faith. If parents learn to query their children after the service and then explain things, the children's capacity to participate soars. Not everything children experience has to be put on their level in order to do them good. Some things must be, but not everything. For example, to learn a new language you can go step by step from alphabet to vocabulary to grammar to syntax. Or you can take a course where you dive in over your head, and all you hear is the language you don't know. Most language teachers would agree that the latter is by far the most effective. Sunday worship service is not useless to children just because much of it goes over their heads. They can and will grow into this new language faster than we think if parents foster positive and happy attitudes.
- There is a sense of solemnity and awe that children should experience in the presence of God. This is not likely to happen in children's church. Is there such a thing as children's thunder or children's lightning or the crashing of the sea "for children"? A deep sense of the unknown and the mysterious can rise in the soul of a sensitive child in solemn worship—if his parents are going hard after God themselves. A deep moving of the magnificence of God can come to the young, tender heart through certain moments of great hymns, new songs, "loud silence," or authoritative preaching. These are of immeasurable value in the cultivation of a heart that fears and loves God. We do not believe that children who have been in children's church for several years will be more inclined or better trained to enjoy worship than if they had spent those years at the side of their parents. In fact, we believe the opposite is the case. We believe it will be harder to acclimate a 10 or 12 year-old to a new worship service than a 5 or 6 year-old. The cement is much less wet, and vast possibilities of shaping the impulses of the heart are gone.
- Children and youth who grow up in the church in services separate from adults have no frame of reference for leading the church in the future. There's a lot to unpack in this idea that I simply to not have time to discuss here, but suffice it to say that experienced leaders are better than clueless ones.
Practical Advice and Wisdom
There are many practical things parents can do to help children worship corporately, and there are many things church leaders can do to help parents help their children worship corporately.
Essentially, let these three goals dictate your actions.
- First, that your children learn as well as they can to worship God heartily.
- Second, that you as parents be able to worship.
- Last, that your family not be a distraction for worshippers around you.
As far as practical advice, consider the following.
- It all starts at home, not at the church. The very earliest "school" for worship is in the home—when we help a baby be quiet for just a moment while we ask God's blessing on our meal; when a toddler is sitting still to listen to a Bible story book; when a child is learning to pay attention to God's Word and to pray during family devotional times.
- Start with baby steps as the opportunities present themselves. Use special events such as baptisms, special music presentations, video testimonies and the like as opportunities to introduce elements of “big church” to your children. This gradual introduction will help ease the shock of coming into corporate worship for the first time. Therefore, when your child is 3, 4, or 5, and you see something to happen in the service that your child would find fascinating, bring him or her for that portion before sending them to ETC.
- Go the bathroom at 10:25, and then again at the end of the service. Set a routine for your child's bladder and expect them to follow it. You wouldn't pull over every 15 minutes on a road trip. Neither should you for corporate worship.
- Leave digital devices at home, and do not share your mobile phone, ipod, ipad, or tablet with your child unless the Bible is being read from it. I've seen far too many Nintendo DS' and iPod games in children's hands during worship, and the long-term damaging effect of reinforcing to the child that they can't be expected to pay attention is incalculable with this kind of behavior.
- Help your children become acquainted with me! This past Sunday is a great example of how important this is, as two young children and multiple teenagers engaged me after the service. Why? Because they know me personally!
- Talk about who the worship leaders are; call them by name and get to know them as well.
- Suggest that your child's Sunday school teacher invite the pastor or other worship leaders to spend a few minutes with the children if your church's Sunday morning schedule allows for that.
- Use the church's website to view the bulletin in advance of worship, and read the passage of Scripture for the sermon in advance. If you know what the Scripture passage will be for the coming. A little one's face really lights up when he hears familiar words from the pulpit. At Lake Murray, our commitment to expository preaching makes it easy to know what Scriptures are being studied each week, and it makes it easier for your child to engage in the sermon because he/she keeps hearing the same book from the Bible!
- Have practical and clear rules for your children with regard to worship (sit or stand as the service calls for, close your eyes when praying, clap when appropriate, follow along in your Bible with the sermon, etc.).
- Your child's activities should be related to the service. Coloring books or library books are discouraged, as the goal is to teach them to worship corporately. It is during the sermon that the use of children’s bulletins is appropriate. These are provided at the table in the back. Each child should have a Bible, offering money and worship folder at hand, so he doesn't have to scramble and dig during the worship time.
What the Church Must Do
While our convictions are biblical, and while it is helpful to give parents advice on how to lead children in worship, there are some things that we must do at Lake Murray in order to equip our parents and help our children. Pray for these things, and consider how God may be leading you to participate and serve!
- The church should pray for and seek after an experienced and wise children's minister who can help us lead parents and children well with regard to these issues (i.e., a children's sermon in the service, a class for parents with children coming into worship, etc.).
- The church should honor the Scriptures with regard to corporate worship in a manner that is conscious and sensitive to the changing culture (i.e., many children do not have both parents, etc.).
- The church should encourage members to give faithfully and generously so that we can make much needed adjustments to our services and our facilities to better accommodate children and their parents (i.e., a renovated lobby with audio and video when children become disruptive).
I trust that this rather long entry has been helpful for you! It's content has been derived from personal experience, “Parenting in the Pew” by Robbie Castleman and resources from Desiring God Ministries.
